Some bears hibernate through the winter months (the cold and storms) and emerge when the sun is back at a favorable angle. These beasts isolate for months without food, water, or interaction.
But when they finally emerge, they are ravenous, ready to chow down, starved, thirsty, and perhaps missing fellowship.
Introverted persons can also retreat into a form of hibernation. You might have a friend or family member who suddenly drops off the map. Not answering the phone, responding to texts, turning down all invites.
You may have your feelings hurt and assume your attention is unwelcome. That may be true, but just like sleeping bears, shy folks can sometimes emerge from their sabbaticals, only to find that no one is around anymore. For those we care about, we have to put aside our sensitivities. We must act to help emerging hibernators nourish themselves after a season of seclusion.
Looking for Signs of Emerging Wildlife or Loners
Perhaps all introverts naturally enter this “maintenance mode” at intervals. Other times, it’s a response to a recent stressful time or traumatic event.
But even introverts may push their isolation spells to the limit and end up in need of a chat, a hug.
Unfortunately, they may not have the social skills to seek the recovery help they require.
If you are a caretaker or just a concerned friend, it may be up to you to spot the signs that an introvert has emerged in need of sustenance. You’ll have to ignore your frustration or hurt to help that person you care about find camaraderie. To refill their social batteries.
Each person’s poker “tells” will be different, how they signal they are willing to interact. Pay attention. These are people you probably know well. Note the telltale signs that mean they are ready to meet up again. I had to learn this from one of my best friends, my pup. She’s smarter than any human, so it was difficult, but very worth it.
Lessons from an Introverted Dog
I have had my own retreats into the darkness. Times I just have to be away from everything and everyone. Not always depressing times or negative spans. Sometimes, a hibernation after a fun time of interaction and over-stimulation, that ran the social battery down to zero.
I’ve also learned about social hibernation in other animals and that balance of trying to draw an introvert out, but also give them space.
I have a dog named Lulah. She’s not into cuddling and pets. She likes to hide away in closets. Navigate sleep realms without being disturbed. If you put her on the human bed, she won’t curl around and choose a spot until you’ve left the room. She doesn’t want you to know where she’s hunkered down.
I try to give her space, even though she’s beautiful and her fur is one of my refuges. I respect her wishes mostly, but I’ve learned to notice when she’s been isolated too long.
She’ll appear in a room you’re in unexpectedly. She won’t come over to you, but she’ll keep circling around, going to the window, looking back at you.
She’ll strike a regal pose, making sure you know she would never beg you for attention, but you might be allowed to approach.
She might be saying she needs some kisses or some playtime.
I’ve learned to spot her almost imperceptible signals. I’ll rub her ears or fight with her. And then I watch for the signals that she’s done with me and ready for dinner, or a return to one of the sanctuaries she’s established behind the furniture.
Tips for Introverts Emerging from Down Time
Perhaps you are the bear rising from a soft bed of leaves and emerging from the mouth of a secluded cave. You are hungry, thirsty, and ready to be around other citizens of the wilderness.
You may show up at someone else’s doorstep or return a call after a few months’ gap. You may be confused when that person doesn’t welcome you, doesn’t immediately leap back into your life.
Introverts will have to understand that they may have burned bridges when they locked down their lives. They shouldn’t feel shame for having to retreat for a time, but they’ll also have to realize that their disappearance may have left some hurt feelings behind.
Hibernating introverts who really desire to enter the stream of life again may have to do some fence mending. They may have to apologize to someone they care about, and even explain why it could happen again.
Send out clear signals. Turn your light to green.
- Remember that you may have pushed people away for weeks or months
- You might have roared at a few people without realizing it
- Remember to apologize if necessary
- Set out a welcome mat
- Plan for the next social outage
Be honest with yourself and others about the chances that you’ll have to retreat again at some point. When your social battery sits on empty.
Introverts can prepare to better weather these reclusive periods. They can make sure they have natural defenses set up in the fortresses where they lock themselves away.
Reminders from music and art that remind them that their sojourn in a lonely land won’t last forever.
Journal entries they can return to. A way to get a pep talk from their other selves who live outside the cave.
I wrote about the mental fortresses we can build for our times in solitude. How a strong, well-stocked fortress can sometimes make our hibernations more comfortable and shorter.
Preparing for the Emerging Recluse
As friends of a shy, withdrawn person, we must learn to monitor the weather for signs of a thaw. Be ready with an emergency kit when they are ready to meet. Meet them on the slope.
Set up a supportive gab sesh or meal out, overlooking the hurt feelings we may harbor when this person went away suddenly. Give them the chance to make it up to you.
And as the hibernating bear emerging into the sunlight, take it slow. Try to be direct with the people who care about you. Let them know you are ready for some interaction and thank them for being loyal and waiting on you whenever the need arises. END
I also wrote about the self-defenses we sometimes build that keep us isolated without intending to. I discuss this phenomenon and how to escape a fortress if you’ve built it too strong.