The Disney World Theory of Relationships

This particular exercise in theoretical relationships can work with any theme park really. The idea will seem simple, but then again, how many of us really examine our entanglements of the heart all that much? Quantify our experiences? We think about what we feel but rarely much about why we feel those things.

How do we end up in the same mess every time? The reason may force you to be honest with yourself and I know that can be a scary thing. The truth may forecast a long wait on the right person. It may reveal a flaw in our own personality. These are tough topics, but so important. So we’ll go slow.

We all know you can go to someplace like Disney World with almost anyone and have a great time. It’s different than strolling hand in hand along the aisles of Autozone. Disney World is the happiest place on earth! I could spend the day wandering the parks with Genghis Khan and have an unforgettable experience. Laugh at the photo of us going over Splash Mountain. He buys me a blue Mickey balloon. It pops after hitting one of the horns on his helmet. I offer a shy giggle.

I’m off topic here, but the upshot is that you can’t judge a relationship by only the amazing, firework-framed moments.


If you can explore Disney World with someone and stay infatuated, you haven’t proven much. Same goes with a beach trip, a cruise, a first date, a fancy birthday dinner and to a lesser extent, Dave & Busters. ANYONE can get along during a Zoom Birthday Party! (Unless you’re that person that forgets to hit mute while you blend up a smoothie.)

You need real, repeatable data. Can you locate Netflix shows you can agree on? Not all shows have to be a match, but you need some shows you can watch together. Do you agree on the levels of house cleanliness? You need to be able to survive a discussion on finances after you’ve just heard your flight has been delayed four hours. How about a road trip to somewhere neither of you want to go?

Photo by Bhupendra Singh on

Don’t worry. I’m working on a travel website that schedules travel nightmares for couples wanting to test their compatibility.

Trip insurance won’t be an option. I’m going to make billions.

In fact, it might be helpful if Disney required a bit more from couples than just having a good time. Maybe make couples clean their own hotel rooms… do the laundry. Show up at Chef Mickey’s and have to cook for themselves. Every morning before going into a park, type up a budget on an excel spreadsheet and try to stick too it. Only so many Mickey Ice Cream Bars. Then you’ll really know if you’re compatible. House cleanliness, budgets, meals at home, weekend chores…those are the tipping points when you spend your life with someone.

So at the end of an amazing day when you’re sitting on that bench in front of the castle. You may have to stare into Ghengis’ kind eyes and tell him you need some space. Things are moving too fast. Sure the relationship feels like fireworks and cotton candy right now…but how will it feel when you bring me back to the grassy steppe of Mongolia to meet your family?

Looks like the honeymoon is over.  Unless you find landlocked nations romantic.
Looks like the honeymoon is over. Unless you find landlocked nations romantic.
Photo by Irina Iriser on

Hey, don’t feel alone in this. We’ve all been trapped in a metaphorical Mongolia a time or two while searching for a someone special.

(One disclaimer! I know there are couples and whole families who can go to Disney World and fight the entire time. The unhappiest place on earth! And then those same people can rebound to book the same vacation the next year. They can go on to successful marriages. I won’t be covering those couples in this article. They are the outliers. However, I do think every couple will have at least one fight at a theme park per visit. That’s just healthy. My wife and I have walked Disney World twice together and we’ve only had one major blowup. It was near the Prince Charming Carousel. There’s a historical marker in the pavement there to note the exact location where I met my demise.)

For more on my chilling research into the horrors of relationships click here!

Published by scottsentell20

Lifelong writer and coffee shop journaling champion. Content creator. Deep-Thought Diver. Hikes with dogs to learn their secrets to life. Likes the silence found on mountaintops and the peace that collects along the banks of small streams. I read old sci-fi novels to understand current events. Scott has roots in Alaska, Spokane, and North Carolina.

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