Difficult people are an inevitable part of life. You’ll encounter them at family reunions, in the workplace, and at the mall. You may spot one in your mirror at home.
Sometimes we have the option to block or avoid these challenging personalities. Other times we have little choice but to endure them. With no escape hatch in sight, you may wonder how you’ll survive a work day, a family trip, or a relationship managing exposure to a cranky person.
One way to gain a more positive perspective on such a relationship is to dive deeper. Gain a better understanding of why people are the way they are.
It’s the same way with the denizens of the deep ocean. Once you discover the conditions that spawned them, it’s easier to accept some mean looks, slimy scales, and hostile interactions.
Exploring the Murky Depths of Difficult People
Believe it or not, there are similarities between odd, defensive sea creatures and that jackass who sits in the next cubicle at work.
We know very little about the lifestyles of the inhabitants of deep water. The glimpses oceanographers have gotten haven’t been the most welcoming. Fish who need a dentist. Globby fish with glow-in-the-dark organs.
But the strange readings aren’t all that surprising when you consider where these fish have had to spend their lives. The bottom of the ocean is a biome of crushing pressure, no sunlight, cold temperatures, and not a lot of food to be found.
To survive this kind of environment, what sort of adaptations would a fish have to undergo? We can forgive a sea monster for its appearance and biting comments when we consider the daily grind it must endure. If we can forgive a fish, maybe we can forgive people too when they appear to behave without compassion.
The Deep Sea Pressures We Endure
Deep sea fish have developed flexible bones to withstand the pressures of the depths. The Anglerfish displays a luminescent fin to attract dinner guests. Squid can change color to strike from the shadows or fade away from view from the larger forms that float by. Some of us can relate.
It’s not surprising that some of the jerks in our lives come with hardened shells or stinging barbs. Maybe they’ve been to the bottom. They could’ve faced some punishing environments as they bounced along the sea floor.
Sometimes by examining the motivations of unpleasant people it can help you become immune to their venom. Their comments and actions have less power over your attitude and reality. A sea monster can suddenly seem frail and desperate.
Wisdom from lower elevations
Deep Ocean Destinies We Can’t Understand
If we believe in destinies, there are other ways to view difficult people. Consider what types of tests or tempering they must endure to get ready for a difficult life journey.
You may see no reason for someone to behave the way they do, but it’s hard to know what life, or a higher being, is preparing them for. To survive what’s ahead, someone may have to slowly develop plates of armor, sharp teeth, unfounded hope, or a sensibility that doesn’t quite match up with yours.
Try not to judge someone too harshly for their behavior now. We can’t know what they are being constructed to face down the road. Preparations for their purposes might be underway. They may embark on a years-long trip into a metaphorical desert, or a barren stretch of ocean, as they get ready for the next phase of life. They may be miserable and become prickly as they wrestle with an obstacle set in their path or prepare for the next one.
Remember, intense surroundings, difficult backgrounds create the most beautiful and unique life forms. They are able to withstand conditions that would wither most mortals. Those punishing times may inspire you. The pop star with the unearthly range who sings about pain. A Coronate Medusa jellyfish who lights up like a carousel in the ocean trenches even though there’s no one to see such an unearthly display.
Beings evolve that wouldn’t exist without these turbulent forces of creation. Maybe you wouldn’t exist without the tumultuous environments that have shaped and strengthend the loved ones around you.
Perhaps those abrasive traits will provide an unexpected ally one day…lead to your rescue one day. A rescue that wouldn’t be mounted by any sane, well-adjusted person. Someone who isn’t a denizen of the deep.
Forgiving the Lantern Fish in Your Life
Tough circumstances aren’t an excuse for troubling behavior. There are plenty of people who go through absolute hell and yet come out as the kindest people you’ll meet. God bless those people.
But we all have our bad days. Someone may be putting up with your barbs and poisonous glands too. And not everyone who irritates you is a true villain.
We’ll have to forgive at some point, and exploring the reason someone may be less than kind is one way to gain some closure.
If you are stuck dealing with unpleasant people, sometimes you just have to hit the eject button and remove them from your life. But if you must endure a bad situation, or you are hanging on because you love someone, there are ways foster understanding and acceptance.
Identifying that it’s not you that makes this person so grumpy helps. Delving into why they are this way and what they may actually desire changes your perspective and theirs. Your effort to understand a slimy fish might change the view from its fish eye lens.
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Perhaps you are the difficult person. Or just someone stuck in the dark depths of life’s oceans. Check out my article on looking at these struggles in a new light and acknowledging how they often get us ready for our destinies.
Overheard on a Mountaintop 