Everyone should have a close friend they can fall to pieces in front of. Perhaps shed a few tears. It’s great to know you can come undone and be heard without judgment. Without risking the friendship. To count on some helpful advice or simply a shoulder to cry on.
We get so comfortable with friends that sometimes a meltdown is expected. A sob-fest. Then you both laugh it off and move on with recalling a party or some juicy gossip.
But we should be careful when we dismiss a friend’s tears. We get used to brushing them off, a pat on the back, and moving on.
Sometimes those tears aren’t tied to the reasons we might’ve assumed. Sometimes they are a cry for help we overlook.
Dismissing a Friend’s Tears
The blind spot in my perception became apparent recently when I met with a friend. This pal is known for comically overreacting. She admits it. She loses her mind with each disaster her children stumble into. Work issues. Her husband’s lack of focus at grocery stores. :0
Most are minor annoyances but she has a gift of turning them into a Titanic level situation. It’s hilarious, and about once a visit, she’ll tear up. It’s a funny bit.
She composes herself. We giggle and we go back to making fun of people we know and discuss how it’ll all end.
As I walked away, I was feeling good about a cool rap sesh (period of talking) with an amigo. But then I had a little bump alert in my brain. It seemed to tell me that I’d missed something.
I realized that the quick cry session this time had ended with an awkward bit of silence.
Maybe my friend wasn’t crying for the usual reasons. I’d glossed it over and perhaps I’d failed a friend.
Advanced Warning Systems for Friendships
We should resolve to dig a little deeper when tears coalesce in a friend’s eyes. Laugh with them. Let them vent. But always press a little further if there seems to be more behind those misty eyes.
Is there is baggage behind an awkward or pregnant pause? If the friendship is real, no one will be better at decoding those confusing signals than you. Friends should share their code books sometime near the start of the relationship so those broadcasted messages can be deciphered.
It’s not always easy, but there’s a chance a friend was throwing up a red flag that was quickly retracted due to shame or pride. Friends sometimes have to disarm these defenses to get to the truth.
I contacted my friend after the most recent incident. She said I was being dramatic and it was just the usual stuff that made her eyes water.
It wasn’t great material for this article, but I was glad I’d checked in. I had to make sure I hadn’t missed a blip on the radar. A friend in need of a rescue. END
I also wrote about those moments when you need to support friends and coworkers. Give them a win even if they haven’t quite earned it.